Do you often second guess a thought or feeling that you have only to find out that your initial deduction was spot on? I have done this many times, and I am not sure why. The more I think about it, the more I feel that I am often generally inclined to be accommodating toward others even if it is at the expense of my own well being and desires. As a result, I tend to discount my own genuine feelings of discomfort, doubt, and being hurt.
What’s up with that?
Well, I do not like being selfish or to be perceived as such, but maybe I need to adjust my thinking. Advocating for my own feelings is not selfishness. If anything, it is an act of self-preservation and protection. Nonetheless, I acquiesce far more often than I need to. In the end, I may wind up unhappy and feeling that my own needs and desires were not met.
Okay, so how do I change this? How do I trust my own instincts better and not default to discounting them? Here are some steps I am willing to try out as often as possible:
- Observe the situation carefully and with minimal hesitation.
- Discern and acknowledge my own immediate impressions and feelings.
- State my impressions clearly in my head.
- Figure out the best course of action that advocates for my needs without infringing unnecessarily on the needs of others.
There is an old adage (or cliché as some might see it) that says, “To thine own self be true.”
This statement speaks to the value and active practice of trusting your own instincts and intuition. This is possibly the best way to develop and build the wisdom upon which you can build your life.
Perhaps in my case, there is a deeper underlying factor that prevents me from trusting myself more. I have no idea what that is, but my intuition tells me that I need to change this regardless of whatever that reason may be.
I will follow that internal directive from now on as much as possible. I do not want to constantly sacrifice and compromise my own needs in favor of others. This is not fair to me, and my needs have immense value.
Maybe part of this lack of trust in myself stems from a need to be kind and generous to others. This is all well and good, but by the same token, I need to be kind and generous to myself as much as possible.
If you struggle with trusting your instincts, you are not alone. It is tricky to hone something as intangible as this in which your frame of mind and feelings need to be assessed as objectively and lovingly as possible.
Nonetheless, this is a practice worth exercising. If you cannot advocate for your own feelings and well being, no one else truly will. You are your own best defense.
Trust yourself. The kindness, comfort, and peace of mind you receive as a result will be yours for the taking.