I am currently one among millions of people around the world staying home right now to help prevent the spread of the coronavirus. This week and at various intervals over the next couple of months, I want to share my experiences while the world waits for this pandemic to pass.
For the record, I have always been an introvert at my core. I see this time as an opportunity to return to my inward-facing roots, despite having been a performing musician and college student. The timing of this call to shelter at home is actually quite fitting at this stage of my life. Last December (a mere three months ago or so), I graduated from college. I earned a degree in Video and Film Production from Middle Tennessee State University. This means that I’ve been repeatedly asking myself the question “Okay, what now?” ever since and wondering if my degree will basically be useless as we sift through the carnage of this unprecedented pandemic.
Well, for the next few weeks of self-isolation, I have more time to think about my future and how I can apply what I learned in college toward work that earns an income but also feels creatively fulfilling. That’s been on my mind a lot. I’ve been journaling a bit, staring out at the forest that beckons beyond the wrap-around deck of my woodland home, and mostly dreaming. I take a bunch of photos on my DSLR camera as well as edit a couple of film projects I’ve been working on. I am thankful that I now have the time to ruminate.
I also had to cancel a couple of out-to-town trips I had been planning for a while—one to celebrate a dear friend’s birthday and another to film a music video. I’m hoping to carry on with both prospects eventually.
Otherwise, I’ve been neglecting my Netflix feed in favor of books. So far this year, I have read twelve books. I wonder if that makes me a bad filmmaker if I’d rather read a book than watch a movie. So be it, I suppose.
Since I am not able to actually go to a library at the moment, I’ve been using my active free memberships to three different library systems. Here in Middle Tennessee, that would be Davidson County/Nashville, Rutherford County/Murfreesboro, and Cannon County/Woodbury. Their digital collections can be accessed both online and through an app on my phone. I hunt for books that I want to read on all three systems, and I am able to get what I want pretty easily. Did I mention that all of this is free? (Eat your heart out, Netflix monthly fee!! MINERVA!!)
Over the last few days, I’ve also been trying to engage in activities that reduce anxiety AF. The looming threat of contracting a lethal virus that has already killed THOUSANDS of people is kind of wigging me out. So, what does that look like? Pacifist bullet points please . . .
- Cat cuddling. Yup, you read that right. No, I am not part of the furry community, and I marginally don’t believe that cats are supremely superior over all other species. I simply just LOVE TO CUDDLE WITH THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! So. Damn. Much. UUUGGHH . . . Now, it doesn’t help that my cat Steinway is extremely affectionate and likes to plop on my face when I sleep at night. It also doesn’t help that we have 4 cats who live with us. Ugh. UUUGGGHHH!!!
- I play solitaire. Left-handed (of course!) and with an actual deck of cards AF. There is something strangely calming about this game even though I legit lose 99.99999999% of the time. Okay, so I’m pretty terrible at it (obvs), but it’s one of the most zen-like and calming activities I’ve ever come across. The physical act of laying the cards down and slowly contemplating each option and move is strangely relaxing. Who knew?
- I play music. Specifically, on the piano, cello, and ukulele. I play piano the most, but I practice on the other two as often as I can. Playing music is my emotional-release valve. I can sit at my piano, sing my heart out, and let my feelings wash all over me. It’s important to have an outlet like this, and this is mine. I mostly sing as I play and run through the catalog of original songs that I have written. This heals my spirit in times like these.
- Staying in touch with friends and family. (AKA Making sure my people are ok). This involves lots of text messaging and phone calls, but I’m about to use Zoom a whole heck of a lot AF! In lieu of actually seeing friends and loved ones in person, this is the next best thing.
There are other activities like knitting, self-care, exercise, and secretly devouring a whole tub of peanut butter AF, but the four bulleted ones are among the most prominent.
Incidentally AF, what am I trying NOT to do while I am self-imprisoning? Again, non-violent bullet points please . . .
- Endlessly scrolling through my Facebook and Instagram feeds. I already have a love/hate relationship with social media. I see them as our modern-day Big Brother. They are so darn addictive, and that bothers me. So yeah, trying (and sometimes failing) to NOT do that.
- Become consumed over my anxiety about the coronavirus. This is a tough one. Not only do I want to avoid dying a painful death all alone in a hospital, but I also fear for my elderly loved-ones and friends. I’m trying to stay calm, but this is difficult.
- Become obsessed with productivity. Prior to graduating, I worked my smooth Asian ass off!! I attended every class and aced virtually everything. (Not to brag of course, but I earned every damn A that I got.) Ultimately though, I payed a heavy price for this. My social life and valuable connections with friends tanked, and I became overly preoccupied with being productive ALL OF THE TIME AF. This isn’t healthy because there is immense value in chillaxing and doing nothing whenever possible. I missed out on a lot of chillaxing and fun in college, and now, I make it an intention every day to have time to take naps, stare at my foot, or literally do absolutely nothing at all. Yup.
Well, that’s my life so far as I am at the beginning stages of my stay-at-home-self-sheltering-try-not-to-die-of-the-plague stupor. I hope you find your own way through these uncertain times. Take a moment to be thankful for your health and for the privilege of having a boring afternoon. Sadly, some of us do not have that luxury any more.
Until the next update, cuddle away!!